Here I am, in 'Simpson' form, yesterday after the inspiration for this post struck:
It used to be that the responsibility to fuck kids up good and proper fell on the shoulders of parents. Exposing young and malleable humans to all kinds of stuff. There's competitive passive aggressive exchanges between mummy and daddy where everything appears to be hunky dory yet the air seems to have turned blue. Not forgetting lovely heart to hearts with mummy where she tells of the pain she endures staying with daddy just for lucky little you.
Yes, parents do a superb job. So much so that it may add insult to the already overwhelming injuries to join forces with the caring folk in the media and do something like this:
'What Not To Wear'
Not content with forcing middle age women with fat middles to equate clashing prints and unruly hair with total human failure conjoined bitches Trinny Woodhall & Susannah Constantine set their sights on the children of these badly dressed atrocities. It was during a daytime channel surf last week I noticed this show was still being aired. I actually used to watch this show when I was a kid so was interested to see how I'd view it now that I am older and have spent many hours learning how evil the media can be. If I were to take something positive from this experience I would suggest that my University tuition fees are pounds well spent in that within 30 seconds of viewing I was practically spitting my teeth out at the shocking scenes unfolding before me. This is where the silver lining ends.
The first scene viewed was at the workplace of the sub-human female Woodhall & Constantine were trying to save from certain doom. It transpired that the woman worked in social services, specifically, child welfare and regularly had to attend court hearings. Woodhall asked a colleague of their prey what she thought about the shoes she wore for work. Yes, when attending important court dates where the safety and future of a child is in question, they wanted to know if she was wearing the right shoes. I am not lying. You really can be as appalled as I hope you are by now.
The second scene, the scene that resulted in me turning the television off before I had a stroke, involved Constantine coming into contact with her prey's son. Ironically, whilst at court in the wrong shoes, protecting vulnerable kids, badly dressed woman's own kids were in danger. Now, we should all know that the first rule of protecting yourself from supernatural evil is to not invite it into your home. It was too late for this family, Constantine was in the kitchen and had the child in her sights.
Happily eating a bowl of cereal a young boy aged no more than around 6yrs old was asked what he thought of mummy's tummy. Was mummy's tummy fat? As he nervously giggled, looking confused at the task of communicating how his mothers gut made him feel he was blindsided with another question from Constantine: 'have I got a fat tummy?' More nervous giggles followed by an encouraged 'no'. Constantine then lifted her shirt and stuck out her gut. 'How about now?' The child was then expected to compare her tummy with his mother's and show, like in a maths exam, how he worked this out. This is where it all went a little hazy for me.
Of course I am not loading all of the blame on Woodhall and Constantine, they work in a vile industry and are not the only ones who prey on the weak for their own profit and satisfaction. They were just the ones I saw that day yet I fail to see how either of them could ever justify asking a child to objectify his mother in such a way as to make him question her worth on the basis of her weight and appearance; it reeked of 'grooming'. Preparation for a life where he will ascribe value to the beautiful/well dressed at the expense of other less superficial things. Not to mention confuse the poor sod in a society that is confusing enough 100% of the time anyway.
In the spirit of being optimistic, however, I found something online proving not all parent/media unions are evil and exploitative of both child and audience. In case you didn't know past TV Presenter Emma Forbes is now a spokesmodel for cosmetic company Sheer Cover who offer a 'natural' range of products that help uncover the 'real' you. When asked in, I'm sure, a completely spontaneous situation about her love of the wondrous products Forbes decided the best way to answer would be: 'I hope my children benefit from seeing me take care of myself'. 'What a lovely way to put words in the mouths of your children for the financial benefit of a soulless beauty industry company', I thought before retreating to a dark room, with gin.
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